Hello again all, if anyone reads this.
This post is about being joyful in life, even if you have to force it in at first, and the profound benefits that compound from it.
When I first got out to Oklahoma I was still full of love for my job, love for people I worked with, Joy at being in the Navy and being okay with my body for the most part. But within 2 months of being out here, between all the greasy food, lack of anything to do (read, no good weather or ocean), feeling alienated from co-workers, having no girlfriends, and trying to deal with a devastating break-up the weight slowly then not so slowly started creeping on. I started another relationship, and we were both so miserable here with work that all we did was self soothe with food and alcohol. I knew we were both putting on weight, I was trying to avoid the fact that I had undeniabley gone up at least a size, felt bloated all the time and was just in general unhealthy and felt distgusting. The breaking point came during the winter. I won't go into details about exactly what made me stop denying and making excuses but I cried for almost 2 days.
My fiance and I got engaged, and like most women I wanted to loose weight, so joined a gym and the first time I stepped on the scale I almost passed out! 145lb, and I had even lost a few pounds at this point! Anyone who knows me, knows I have always taken pride in my body and taking care of it the best I can. So anyways, skipping ahead some months, I managed to loose the weight for my wedding but it was such a struggle because I never felt anything other than "I must loose this weight. If I work out this much, then I can consume so many calories. So if I consume this many calories yesterday then today I need to work out for this long and do this much, so that I can consume this many calories subtracted from yesterdays calories." Head spinning? Yah, try living with that in your head, all day every day. While also trying not to loose your mind at work and seeing a thereapist because of the anger from work you feel every day. It was insane. I was insane.
BIG POINT HERE: there was NO JOY in anything I was doing, I felt no joy in working out for my wedding, just freaking out that I would not look good in my dress, even the day of my wedding, after freaking out on my mom (sorry ma) all I could do was wonder if my dress would fit, if I would look ok. ARE YOU READING THIS! It was my wedding day!! I should have been focusing on that whole "i do, I do " thing, focusing on the fact that the sun was shining for our wedding, not if my dress was freaking going to fit properly!
So a couple months ago I started dancing, ballet and bellydance. I realized how stupid I've been, how it was all so simple, just find joy in what you do, find something that makes you joyful. I'm not sure how much if anymore weight i've lost but I feel incredible. My abs, ass and legs are in the best shape they've been in since I trained for the olympics, I feel eleated that I have something to look forward to during the week, I feel sexy, nimble and more limber than in years. I have a purpose in life again. My energetic fields and connection with God has increased tenfold. I feel lighter than I have in years, and it is no longer a struggle to eat well and work out, I simply DESIRE to do so. There's no thought process or schedule to it anymore, taking care of my body and eating well now come as naturally as breathing. I'm not beating myself up for "cheating" or wondering how much I will have to work out to make up for it as much anymore because I know my body will forgive me, as I will forgive myself and will continue to be joyful.
It is so important to be joyful in what you are doing when you take care of your body. If you are not then all the working out in the world will not help. The emotional baggage you carry with you will show up in the physical, and often as literal extra baggage around your tummy. If the workout you are doing now isn't making you joyful, find something else! It's as simple as that, everyone is different so there will always be different things that make people joyful. I know this blog was all over the place but I hope I managed to convey the imortant message here, that each person MUST find the thing that makes them joyful, and everything else in your life, and I do mean everthing will start falling into place. You will find how everything is so much easier, just like breathing if you let go and just find something that brings joy, true joy to your spirit!
Blessings to all!
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