Friday is approaching waaaay too fast for my liking. Then it will be 6+ months of solo sleeping (well the dog but you know), solo meals, trying to fill my time and obsessivly watching news reports for certain parts of the world. And yet, I'm strangely calm.
I think everyone should have to do a two year stint in the military, it gives you A) a better appreciation and understand of the bullshit we go through, and B) I think there would be a lot less tension between couples before deployments. I hear so many stories of couples constantly fighting, tension and silence, shit even break ups and divorces before they leave. Yah yah we know, "Well it's easier to leave if they're mad" or "It's easier if i start the distance now." Guess what? A lot of civillian spouses don't understand that. They don't get it, they don't get that claming up and/or acting like a jackass is how we settle nerves and deal with things coming up that we are anxious about. And that's ok. I think that if everyone did a stint they would know what it's like to leave and so we wouldn't have all these problems. But guess what, they don't. And leaving is never easy, ever. People need to talk. I am fortunate enough that I understand what it's like having done it myself, and that my husband doesn't mind talking about what bothers me, and actually listens when I tell him how he is making me feel. Will it change anything? Probably not, mostly not, but I feel better having gotten it off my chest and he makes more of an effort to not close himself off from me and the world.
Also as scary as it is, I firmly believe couples should talk about the "what ifs". My husband and I have gone over every possible "what if" scenario related to deployment that I refuse to post on here because I would probably get a lot of angry comments. God willing, the "what ifs" never happen, but if they do the person on the recieving end of bad news (either side) will be prepared, know what the expectations and wishes are, and can at least have a game plan of how to go about settling things. Happy stuff, hell no, but absolutely necessary. This isn't to say you should sit there and think of all the scary stuff that could happen and obsess over it, but just have it covered, written down is even better. And honestly, I think it's a good way to get over your fears of what could happen, just by talking about it.
But besides that, just love each other, even if that means giving the other person a ton of space and realizing that them distancing themselves from you (or you doing the distancing) is just a coping mechanism. It doesn't mean they love you any less, doesn't mean that they are planning of leaving you after they leave. It simply means "This is how I deal. Compromise with me." So compromise. Tell them how it makes you feel, make sure they aknowledge your feelings and make an effort, then let it go and enjoy each other. Go snuggle on the couch....or something.......
And just remember, "see you later my love!"
Peace y'all
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
On the way home from school..feminism
On the way home from school, I happened to think about the comparison between what people would call "femi-nazis" and what I consider to be the new normal for feminism. I am a feminist, totally so. I think that while there are physical differences between a man and a woman, that should never, ever be the deciding factor in what is considered appropriate or capable for a woman to do.
Having said that, it's kind of nuts (in a good way) how feminism has evolved, at least in my mind. When people think of feminists, they either conjure images of spiky haired lesbians who "want all men to die." (we all know that's not what they all think lol), or they think of some sissy-assed woman who wants the same rights as men but without any of the responsibility or the "cahones" to handle a mans world. But, there is a new type of feminist out there. She looks a lot like me. Opinionated, strong both mentally and physically, isn't afraid of telling it how it is, and likes to play with the big boys. She is capable of pulling on her flight deck boots and carrying chains like the rest of them. But she also likes to cook, drink wine, get her hair and toes done and loves shoes (or clothes, or purses etc.). She is not afraid of embracing her femininity and acknowledging she not only has a vagina, but that it is sacred. But that sacredness also comes with responsibility on many many levels. She does not hate men, rather she loves them. She dates, marries, has children with them. And no, she does not "wear the pants" in the relationship, or expect her male mate to be submissive, but rather knows he will treat her as an equal and they will make their life decisions together, hand in hand, side by side. Not one opinion or thought more superior than the other, based solely on gender.
The new feminist raises her children to fight for what they want, but to do so in a respectful manner, because you treat others how you want to be treated. She does not assume her son will turn out to be an abuser and must be stopped before it's too late, but gives him the honor and respect of growing into his own person while skillfully and carefully guiding him to give love and have it returned rather than demanding and expecting submission. She raises her daughter to live in balance of the yin and yang, because truly there cannot be one without the other. She teaches her to be a wild wolf woman, to hold onto that wildness and to protect her spirituality throughout life so that when the daughter becomes the mother, she too can continue to teach of balance and not judgement or superiority.
The new feminist comes with designer hair, prada or addidas depending on the day. She eats steak or is a vegetarian. And yes, she wears bras, because dammit they make our boobs look amazing!!! There is no longer the conjured vision of the feminist, because she too is evolving like the rest of the world, to living in balance and being ok with that. She understands she has choices, and whether those choices are to fight in the military, raise to the top of business, deliver babies, teach children , or simply take care of her own home and children does not mean she is automatically thrown into one category or another. She is multi-faceted, like a prism, with many colors going in many directions that paint a beautiful harmonious picture on the walls and windows of our lives. She strives not just to make women's lives better, but everybodys, understanding that balance is the key to life no matter what gender.
peace y'all
Having said that, it's kind of nuts (in a good way) how feminism has evolved, at least in my mind. When people think of feminists, they either conjure images of spiky haired lesbians who "want all men to die." (we all know that's not what they all think lol), or they think of some sissy-assed woman who wants the same rights as men but without any of the responsibility or the "cahones" to handle a mans world. But, there is a new type of feminist out there. She looks a lot like me. Opinionated, strong both mentally and physically, isn't afraid of telling it how it is, and likes to play with the big boys. She is capable of pulling on her flight deck boots and carrying chains like the rest of them. But she also likes to cook, drink wine, get her hair and toes done and loves shoes (or clothes, or purses etc.). She is not afraid of embracing her femininity and acknowledging she not only has a vagina, but that it is sacred. But that sacredness also comes with responsibility on many many levels. She does not hate men, rather she loves them. She dates, marries, has children with them. And no, she does not "wear the pants" in the relationship, or expect her male mate to be submissive, but rather knows he will treat her as an equal and they will make their life decisions together, hand in hand, side by side. Not one opinion or thought more superior than the other, based solely on gender.
The new feminist raises her children to fight for what they want, but to do so in a respectful manner, because you treat others how you want to be treated. She does not assume her son will turn out to be an abuser and must be stopped before it's too late, but gives him the honor and respect of growing into his own person while skillfully and carefully guiding him to give love and have it returned rather than demanding and expecting submission. She raises her daughter to live in balance of the yin and yang, because truly there cannot be one without the other. She teaches her to be a wild wolf woman, to hold onto that wildness and to protect her spirituality throughout life so that when the daughter becomes the mother, she too can continue to teach of balance and not judgement or superiority.
The new feminist comes with designer hair, prada or addidas depending on the day. She eats steak or is a vegetarian. And yes, she wears bras, because dammit they make our boobs look amazing!!! There is no longer the conjured vision of the feminist, because she too is evolving like the rest of the world, to living in balance and being ok with that. She understands she has choices, and whether those choices are to fight in the military, raise to the top of business, deliver babies, teach children , or simply take care of her own home and children does not mean she is automatically thrown into one category or another. She is multi-faceted, like a prism, with many colors going in many directions that paint a beautiful harmonious picture on the walls and windows of our lives. She strives not just to make women's lives better, but everybodys, understanding that balance is the key to life no matter what gender.
peace y'all
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