Friday is approaching waaaay too fast for my liking. Then it will be 6+ months of solo sleeping (well the dog but you know), solo meals, trying to fill my time and obsessivly watching news reports for certain parts of the world. And yet, I'm strangely calm.
I think everyone should have to do a two year stint in the military, it gives you A) a better appreciation and understand of the bullshit we go through, and B) I think there would be a lot less tension between couples before deployments. I hear so many stories of couples constantly fighting, tension and silence, shit even break ups and divorces before they leave. Yah yah we know, "Well it's easier to leave if they're mad" or "It's easier if i start the distance now." Guess what? A lot of civillian spouses don't understand that. They don't get it, they don't get that claming up and/or acting like a jackass is how we settle nerves and deal with things coming up that we are anxious about. And that's ok. I think that if everyone did a stint they would know what it's like to leave and so we wouldn't have all these problems. But guess what, they don't. And leaving is never easy, ever. People need to talk. I am fortunate enough that I understand what it's like having done it myself, and that my husband doesn't mind talking about what bothers me, and actually listens when I tell him how he is making me feel. Will it change anything? Probably not, mostly not, but I feel better having gotten it off my chest and he makes more of an effort to not close himself off from me and the world.
Also as scary as it is, I firmly believe couples should talk about the "what ifs". My husband and I have gone over every possible "what if" scenario related to deployment that I refuse to post on here because I would probably get a lot of angry comments. God willing, the "what ifs" never happen, but if they do the person on the recieving end of bad news (either side) will be prepared, know what the expectations and wishes are, and can at least have a game plan of how to go about settling things. Happy stuff, hell no, but absolutely necessary. This isn't to say you should sit there and think of all the scary stuff that could happen and obsess over it, but just have it covered, written down is even better. And honestly, I think it's a good way to get over your fears of what could happen, just by talking about it.
But besides that, just love each other, even if that means giving the other person a ton of space and realizing that them distancing themselves from you (or you doing the distancing) is just a coping mechanism. It doesn't mean they love you any less, doesn't mean that they are planning of leaving you after they leave. It simply means "This is how I deal. Compromise with me." So compromise. Tell them how it makes you feel, make sure they aknowledge your feelings and make an effort, then let it go and enjoy each other. Go snuggle on the couch....or something.......
And just remember, "see you later my love!"
Peace y'all
No comments:
Post a Comment