Aaannd Lessons from Lent Start for Me

As we all know I wrote at the begining of Lent about how I was going to practice it this year. HA! Almost all of it went out the window I am sorry to report.  Broke Lent fasting the 2nd week in when I started getting sick and the only thing that would help my throat was popcicles and ice cream.  And then I kept getting sick. So yah any and all fasting had gone out the window, and I was pretty upset with myself.  Next I had talked about planning on spending more time in nature alone with God.  Two things I forgot; this is Washington State, and it's March....'nuff said. Rain. Lots of Rain.  So I have been getting pretty frusterated with how this Lenton season has been going for me.  Instead of contempating about my role in life and connecting with God, I have been asking "why" a lot.  Why are you letting me get sick so much. Please make it go away, I can't handle this anymore. Why won't You get rid of this shit!?  You guys get the idea.  I had been feeling that this Lent was such a failure just because things weren't going easily and I wasn't recieving Divine messages at all times of day and night.  Just nightmares, lots of nightmares.

So this past weekend was the sickest I have been in a long time.  Fever for 2-3 days straight, ear infection, couldn't walk straight, accidentally overdosed on medication and lost most control of motor functions and was high as hell for two days.  My husband wanted to take me to the ER to get me detoxed and some antibiotics because of the fever.  My stubborn ass refused.  Go figure.  By Sunday I was able to halfway walk and decided to take a bath finally.  I don't know about you guys but I always do my best thinking when I'm in the shower or the bath. I'm also a girl and like to light candles :) I had a new candle called butterfly which had a saying on it's holder wrapper.

  "Butterfly.  Transformation, New Beginnings.  A new life awaits you, let go of anything that no longer serves you. You are a being of beauty, light and grace. Fly!"

Pretty strong and accurate words that I needed in my life. I lit the candle put my spirit animal figures of cat and whale next to it which represent intuition, connecting with the other side, calmness, new beginnings.  I started repeating the mantra on the holder of the candle until I put myself into a meditative state and let go.  A lot of things hit me that night. The biggest one was that I needed to let go of anger and hurt that I am holding towards my father.  I won't go into details, but just know that he hurt our family and tore us apart recently.  I know that I need to forgive him though.  Not for him, not because any religious figure "demands" that I do, but for ME.  It's not well for me to hold onto negativity, it will only affect my life negativily.  So for my own peace, I need to forgive him, and to bring my mother back into my life. Unwittingly I have made her feel that she had to choose sides, and she chose his.  So strictly for me and to bring my mother back I will extend the olive branch.

The other lesson was when my dog got bit by the neighbours dog.  It was so deep that we decided to take her in to the emergency vet and pay an exorbant amount to get her seen and treated after hours.  The neighbours were nice enough to pay for our vet bill and all is well thankfully! And it hit me so suddenly with this one. My aunt who is a very wise person always says that our animals are always trying to tell us things.  And this one was so obvious.  I was more than willing to take my little girl to get a minor wound stiched up late at night no matter the cost, but not willing to call medical to make an appointment so that I would stop being sick for weeks on end.  Face, palm.  I. Am. An idiot.  So I am off in a couple hours to get seen finally.  Sigh. 


But at least the lessons and insights have started, just not how I would have prefered. But isn't being outside of your comfort zone what Lent is all about?

Peace y'all!