Side affects of Doula-hood and the Ticking Time Bomb

*Authors Disclaimer: All topics covered in this blog that involve my marriage and any decisions within are, always have been, and will be discussed with significant other. I do not post anything that makes it seem as though I am going behind his back.  In other words, I'm not telling you anything I wouldn't tell him!

I hate being 26.  I'm so much closer to 30, my body is starting to break and slow down, and my damn biological clock has kicked into overdrive.  That is the worst. Going from being the person who never wanted anything to do with children, to now going through times where I ache to experience pregnancy and childbirth.  And it sometimes doesn't help when your main ambition in life is to attend as many births as possible as a doula because it is in your blood, and to eventually become a midwife.  My husband and I have discussed the possibilities of why it has suddenly kicked in with such a vengeance, and have come up with possible solutions. The most obvious thing is the hormonal and biological changes within my evolving body. The other solution we have come up with is now I have time to slow down, my body is coming out of survival mode from my last command, and my priorities have been able to shift to what is important to me now.  And on my own personal side, I think that I have finally had the time to really fall in love with my husband and just want to create an extension of that love I have with and for him.  Silly girl, I know :)



A odd "quirkiness" of being a doula is I have set about dreaming of my birth much in the way most girls dream and plan their weddings.  I never worried too much about the wedding until I was faced with it, then dealt with it, but ever since becoming a doula and studying as much as I do I dream away with the ideal setting, how I would like to proceed with my labor and birth, even down to the last little details of whether I would prefer to wear a long gown or t-shirt to birth since I am a little on the shy and modest side, or if I won't care and will go au natural while moving and bathing to bring about my little one. It is quite interesting to me that I would relish such details about my birth considering that the husband and I are still only in the discussion stages of having a baby, and while are down to terms of "a year or two" instead of "sometime"  we really haven't made much more progress. But any progress is progress. As we used to say in the Navy, "it is what it is."   I have even toyed with the idea of starting a "baby hope box" and start filling it with things now so that when it comes time, whenever God decides that is, we already have some things put aside. And maybe it will also give me something tangible to hold onto while awaiting the choice of my little one to grace us with their Divine presence either through birth or adoption.

In the meantime, I will continue to relish attending births and reveling in the glow and beautiful energy of a momma birthing, helping her plan and learn along the way to her own sacred birth journey. Which in turn is always helping me learn about my own sacred feminism, the power of being a woman, and the holiness that is always the cycle of Divine, death and rebirth at it's greatest. 

Peace y'all.