Well this has been fun :/

After having sinus colds/infections for the past month, I finally went to be seen at medical last week. No biggie, was given some antibiotics and nasal spray, and the Doc noticed my thyroids were swollen, told me to keep an eye on it and sent me on my way.  That Saturday night I couldn't sleep (like normal) so started looking up goiters, and thyroids.  Reading the list of symptoms I had to smack myself on the head. I've had about 95% of these for about 3 years now and just thought it was stress. Which in all due respect can actually be one of the main causes of hypothyroidism if stress is sustained and chronic for a long period of time (can anyone say VQ-3?). As I kept reading about it, what it can lead to and what it does to your life I became this almost maniacal split of relief and anger.  Anger that I had been trying to get seen to figure out what was wrong with me and the doctors besides telling me that my cholesterol was high told me I just needed to de-stress or that there was nothing wrong with me. That I was just having an anxiety attack.  Then the other part of me, the big part, was just relieved to finally realize that I wasn't insane, that there was actually something going on with me that was medically associated and not just the daily stress of life.  So have made an appointment to get thyroids checked and having been obsessively reading everything I can on hypothyroidism, Hashimoto's disease, and anything else that could remotely be related to it.  This time when I go to the doctor I will be armed with information and not let them tell me that anything is within a "normal" range when I know it isn't. When I've had debilitating fatigue, hair loss, weight gain, inability to sleep and a whole host of other problems, something is wrong.  Thankfully my PCM here at Whidbey and I get along great and so I'm hoping if I go in with all the knowledge and a slew of tests to just knock out of the way he will be on board with me. 

Unfortunately along with the relief of finding all this out, it's been very hard to motivate myself to do anything weight wise.  I know deep in my heart that I still need to eat healthy and exercise, but there's always that little part of my brain that just keeps saying "Why even bother? You know it's not going to help anything until you get seen and on some medication. There's no point."  And it's very hard to fight that one off, especially when you keep getting sick and it seems all you can do is sleep all day long.  But I'm trying, none of it seems to help, but I know it's better than do nothing.  So until we figure this out I guess I will just try to ignore the fact that it's not ok for me to be this chronically exhausted and keep telling myself it's normal.  But it's not, and thank God for it.

I cannot wait to get my life back.

Peace y'all