I've been doing some (very minimal) parenting reading during this pregnancy, skipping most of the "best sellers" list because I believe Americans have become too hell bent on having only one way of doing something, and most of these books tout that there is only one right way to parent, only one correct and proper way of raising your kid to be the most awesome sauce kid they can be. Bringing Up Bebe, by Pamela Druckerman is kind of the anti-thesis of that whole movement. So I'll be gleaming some bits and pieces of that, as well as my overall thoughts.
There seems to be an apartheid of sorts going on in the American parenting world. The best way to give imagery to this division is in the movie "Meet the Fockers". In that movie, there are two very different ways of parenting observed by the equally different sets of grandparents: one set believes only in educational toys and self soothing, while the other set leans towards a system of unconditional love, affection and attention. Most of the parenting I observe in daily life and as a nanny fall into those categories. There are ups and downs to both of those styles of caregiving, and like most other things in America, no one wants to find middle ground, rather believing that everything has to have a label and direction manual with it, then losing their minds when something does not go according to plan and so they continue down the same path, but expecting different results. That, according to the genius Albert Einstein, is the definition of insanity.
Bringing Up Bebe, takes the calculating way of parenting and throws it out the window. She describes her frustration at seeing how the French children she comes to know and observe while living in Paris seem to always be polite and well behaved, eating vegetables, and more than capable of entertaining themselves, and that the parents actually maintain a life and some semblance of sanity while doing so.
This book, told in the way of a storyteller, rather than a cut and dry do/do not do list, weaves anecdotes with sound professional advice, and makes note of the marked differences between French and American social behaviors that tend to make these things more plausible in French parenting. Simple things, that can be boiled down to plain common sense. Letting your kid get bored once in awhile, so they can learn to entertain themselves, and thus grow to independent and creative adults. Teaching your children to eat four course meals that include (gasp) vegetables, by not letting them say no, but teaching them that they must always take a bite or two of whatever is on their plate so that they can enjoy what life has to offer, and learn how to be polite and receptive to new ideas as adults. Giving freedom within boundaries, such as telling the child they may dress however they want when in the house, or be naked as much as they want in their room, but that in public, all clothes must match accordingly, and bonjour and au revoir must always be said to all adults, as this is only polite, and must be done according to custom.
It's not rocket science, but it also does encourage the reader to think for themselves and say, "How could I teach that to my own child?" " How would I do that here in America, where kids are given food for everything, allowed to not say hello or goodbye to visitors, etc.?" There are plenty of helpful tips and hints, mixed with the author's own struggles of how to raise an American in France, and her own spin on the French way of parenting, which has no name, no "do not do" list, and no specifics, other than it being the way that has been handed down over decades. It would seem in the book, that the French realize their children are capable of handling more of the frustrations American parents try so valiantly to shield their children from, thus creating a difference in teenagers and adults of whom either can or can't take on life's difficulties while managing to hang onto their sanity without a breakdown.
Overall, I say DEFINITELY read this book! You will enjoy that it's a helpful parenting book, without being an actual parenting book in the sense that most of us have come to know. It's an easy read, and I myself am actually working on going through it my second time. There is no parent shaming in these pages, perhaps only when the author seems to shame herself, and does not leave you with a sense of despair over what you might do wrong bringing up your child, but rather brings about a sense of empowerment and a "well damn if she did it, so can I" type of attitude that stems from her being neither self proclaimed perfect parent, nor a specialist or professional, but a regular everyday mother who happened to have the good fortune of being able to observe another culture's parenting techniques.
Get it, read it, enjoy it!
Peace y'all
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